Starting Date Deputy has been eye opening for many reasons, but one reason is particularly troubling to me. The MAJORITY of married couples are no longer dating…
Now, you may be saying...DUH! they’re married, of course they’re not dating. But what I mean is that they aren’t going on dates with each other. This is not just bad for my business…it’s bad for the marriage. Couples are too busy to go on a date with one another…Yikes! Is this you? I’ll be honest here and tell you that my husband and I have fallen into this same rut…when #2 was born…we were one of the couples who stopped dating. This was not a good time for our marriage.
There are plenty of statistics out there that say over half of marriages end in divorce. And if we aren’t spending quality alone time with each other, it’s no wonder! In today’s day and age we have so many things keeping us busy and preoccupied that it’s very easy to lose sight of what should be the most important part of your life. Your marriage.
It may be hard to think this. I will admit…it’s hard for me to write that my marriage should be more important than my kids. But, it should! Important means of great significance or consequence. And think of the significance of your marriage being healthy. Think of the consequence of it being unhealthy…or ending. What kind of effect would that have on your kids?
Children are their own humans (you were once your parents’ child). They will grow up, move out (ideally) and may even get spouses of their own. And what would you like to teach them…That marriage is important? That their spouse should be a top priority? It’s MUCH more likely for them to grow up and be in a healthy relationship if they see one first hand.
Dating has a big role in this!
Now this may sound self-serving, and it is ;)…but it’s also true. I am not saying that you have to go on elaborate/fancy/expensive dates…but we all need quality, alone time with our spouse. Time where you are focusing on your relationship…not the kids, the bills, the house or work…just each other. Your emotions, your needs, your thoughts on life…whatever makes you happy and feel connected.
So, I’d like to challenge you all.
Date your spouse! Mark it on the calendar. Make it a priority. Set a good example for your kids. Start with baby steps, once a month, or even every other month. But ideally, we should be spending quality time each week together. It doesn’t have to be a four-hour affair. You don’t have to use Date Deputy. Just make time, maybe it’s only 1-2 hours, but it should be alone time. There’s always going to be some reason you’re too busy to do it. But if you do it, I bet you’ll be happier in your marriage…which in turn makes you (and the kids) happier!
And, if you do this...I would LOVE to hear about the impact.
This is my first blog post, and one that I feel is super important. It's about something that's easy to discover and will go a LONG way to helping your relationship. Love Language! My husband and I were married almost five years before we even heard of the concept of love language...but once we discovered it, we were shocked at the opportunities it provided and the conflicts it avoided. First let me start off by saying, do NOT guess what your partner's love language is. If we had done that, we would have BOTH been wrong. Take the test to find out what yours is...and have your spouse/partner take it and find out what theirs is.
So, why is this important? Because, IMO, if you start speaking your partner's love language and "filling their love tank", it will strengthen your relationship, resolve conflicts (and may even prevent them), and both you and your partner will be happier! Think of a love tank like a gas tank for your car...except this is a gas tank for your relationship. When your love tank is full, you feel loved, it's easier to overlook differences, you will feel more connected and be happier with one other.
We all have a need to be loved! When your love tank is on empty, we aren't feeling that love and it will create problems. This may not be anyone's fault, you probably don't know what makes your partner feel loved, you may not even realize what makes you feel loved! There are 5 Love Languages and they are: Receiving Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, and Quality Time.
Now my husband thought that acts of service was his way of showing me love and he could not understand why, when he did things for me I wasn't gushing all over him. For me, acts of service are nice...but, the way I feel loved is with words of affirmation and receiving gifts. Now, I am not materialistic and he would have NEVER in a million years guessed that receiving gifts was my primary love language. But it is! Honestly, it surprised me at first too...but once you look at the way to speak that love language it made total sense to me, it's not really about the actual gift, it's about the thought and time and planning and surprise of the gift. On the other hand, my husband's secondary language is words of affirmation. For him, not getting praise for doing all those acts of service was killing him, he wanted to be recognized and appreciated. And even though I appreciated the acts, I wasn't affirming him or giving him what he needed. We weren't filling each other's love tanks. So, both our love tanks were feeling empty simply because we were unaware of how the other person received love. Sounds crazy, right? But it was a simple class we took that introduced us to this concept and changed the way that we interact...it's seriously life changing!
The test takes about 10 minutes and is super simple to answer. If you click on the link above (or here) it will take you to the test. Take it! Make your partner take it! Start to speak each your partner's love language and see what happens. You'll be happier and have less conflicts when you have a full love tank!
I'm a wife, mother, daughter, sister, and friend. I love animals, music, UK, chocolate, God and family. (not in that order) I play fantasy football, enjoy a good glass of red wine and hate sitting still for too long. As far as dating goes, I love to be surprised and think that food is essential part to every date. I believe in good manners, respect and chivalry, and think most men can win over a girl with those things alone!